a spiritual girl in a material world




While I’ll be watching the clear sky at Night
The bright Moon reflects parts of the Ocean
Unseen in Daylight

I’ll be sitting at the beach with my feet covered
by this beautiful white sand
Listening to the whispers of the waving sea
Visualizing you and thinking about we

While I’ll be watching the clear sky at Night
The Moon reflects parts of Me
Hidden in plain sight
Uncovering truths
That definitely lies within


Eating rhymes
and drinking Moonlight
You won’t understand
Cuz you’re not brained right
I could paint you my vision
But you have blindsight

Soon you’ll turn left
and start mesmerizing
Whilst being in the twilight
of your life, realizing

I’m still here
Still being real
Unconditionally loving
Without any fear


Feelings matter.. It’s a matter of feelings. This.

He says he doesn’t want to think too much, because that will make him decide against his feelings. Because he lives in a different country. Because he wants to jump in full, full hearted. Wants to see me whenever wherever he wants to and tells me he can’t deal with a distant love affair. So hearth headed. Do I have my answer there? I’m not even sure what I think about this affair we have. THAT I feel for him must be clear.

What I feel?

I feel that he met me on the right time and place. Because if he sees me for Me during this frantic stage in my life, he will surely see Me during the balanced stages in my life. He met me at my worst, My Worst and not the worst of external matters, but the internal matters. And still he sees me.

I feel that he could be the one. You know, the One everybody is searching for in books and magazines, the One in romantic movies and advertisements. But for me “the One” isn’t that easily peacely defined, it goes a bit deeper, goes beyond coincidences, beyond romantic images, beyond feeling connected. I’m a loner. Been on my own since childhood and that often makes it hard for me to really find someone I dare to Be with. He COULD be the one that I yearned for all these years becoming the woman I am now. The one that sees through the outer me and could fall for the inner me. He ‘fits’. Fits all the characteristics of a person who can stand next to a woman like me. One who has the backbone and can handle me through all phases in life. Someone trustworthy and mature, who’s loyal to himself and others, not scared to show emotions and willing to feel through these emotions – even when the mind starts putting in fear.

It’s like I wrote earlier, while it was a New Moon on the 12th of October. It’s crazy, because thát New Moon stood for new opportunities in relationships, be it professional, friendships, family wise or love wise.
The energy of this past New Moon gave a fierce energy which aloud us to describe a clear intention to visualize that what you need from the Universe. How you would like to see yourself in every relation to another person, which qualities you appreciate the most and how you would like to be open for every form of interaction in these relationships. The more we are capable of describing the qualities we need that lead to healthy and equally stimulating relationships, the easier it is to strive for complete implementation and the easier it gets to set boundaries and hold off the people that are not capable of matching these qualities set by you.

The qualities I need from the other half are authenticity: knowing who s/he is, knowing what s/he’s worth, complete transparency, s/he IS, honest and clear in every situation whenever wherever. Also integrity: daring to hold on to personal codes of Moral and Ethics. Compassion: the ability to see themself through the eyes of another person, the ability to be understanding, careful and being able to reconsider their own perspective. Acknowledging: being able to clarify and see another persons needs and emotions without being judgmental, without handling from guilt feelings, without being manipulating the other emotionally. Responsible: acknowledging their own blind spots in judgment, handling, feeling, thinking and thereby responsible enough to look at their own responsibility in certain consequences as a result of their own made choices. Someone who’s self-managing, as in: someone who listens to their own intuition and dares to take initiative following their heart, not their mind. I NEED someone who’s loyal, who’s not afraid to be loyal to themself and the other, who’s dedicated and caring, who places themself and the other first at all time, who’s not afraid to show affection and love to themself and the other! A creative One, who’s thinking outside of the box, dares to think and feel and express themself in a creative way, in solution thinking instead of problem thinking, being creative and not logical.

And there He comes. Fitting all of these qualities I wrote down a month earlier. I feel. I feel that we could Be. I feel that he could inspire me to grow, just like I could inspire him to do better. I am not afraid to say that we could make this affair work, just like the both of us have dreamed of in our earlier years before encountering each other. I am not afraid to say that I can be the woman he feels safe with, feels acknowledged by, feels appreciated by, feels loved by, feels motivated by. I am not afraid to state that he fits every quality I need in this life on earth. I am not afraid to state that he might be my soulmate and that we might have just given a chance to find this Higher state of being in a committed spiritual bonding in this lifetime. I am not afraid to state, that everywhere he goes, I will go. I am willing to do that. Because I feel, that he is willing to do that too. Because. That’s the kind of loyalty we both yearn for, in this life. That’s the kind of trust we need in each other, in this life. That’s the kind of love, we deserve, in this life.

So, what I’m feeling? I feel I’m falling in love with a person I deserve. Finally.


That connection
That when I think of you and you call me

That when I want to see you
And I bump into you

That when I’m feeling something
And you speak it out loud

That even when you’re across a full room
I can still feel you standing next to me

That even when I’m on the other side of the country
I can still feel everything between us so fully

That we don’t even have to speak
Because we can feel each other like no other

That connection

That’s a connection I will strive for

Note to Self #2

I’m not a girl, nor do I behave act think speak like one.
I’m a Woman. A Queen.
And I’m fully aware that all external beauty fades. Eventually.
But Loyalty..
Loyalty is what I do desire in my Life. Absolute Loyalty is what I need in my Life.

Dreams can be built on the foundation of true Loyalty.

Loyal to yourSelf at all times first
Loyal to your Spiritual Partner
Loyal to the shared Vision
Loyal to the Process
Loyal to the End



We praatten tot diep in de ochtend

En legde me bloot
Jij legde je bloot
Tegen mij aan
Lagen naakt
Betastten elkaar
Lieten los wat was
Geen oppervlaktes
Dieper dan diep
Zowel in Spirit als intiem
Zagen zien en voelden elkaars Ziel

Hij sprak in rijm tot mijn verbeelding
Wat aansloot op mijn werkelijkheid
Iets wat ik was begonnen op te geven
In een wereld als deze
Een gelijke te vinden die
Hetzelfde hoort ziet herkent erkent ruikt proeft praat leeft en bovenal voelt als ik


Vijf dagen aaneengesloten

Aaneengesloten samengekomen

Durfde ik mezelf weer te geven?
Durfde ik de angst voor een gebroken hart naast me neer te leggen en te leven?
Durfde ik me te laten gaan en te zweven?

Durfde ik te geloven in een tweeling ziel?
Elkaar ontmoetend op het moment
Hoofd en Ziel overeenstemt
Met de Ander

Inner paths leading to
Higher paths

Togetherness versus

Synchroniciteit en Verbondenheid


Onvoorwaardelijk en Onvergankelijk

Zoekend naar onvergankelijke Liefde, hij
In een vergankelijk lichaam tho’, zij
The need to sort things out before he could make the fall – down
The need to feel a full commitment so she could completely take the flight – up
Mind – Body – Soul

Let’s meet in the middle

Straatverlichting begint te flikkeren op het moment dat hij zij langs komen lopen en rijmend praten over onvergankelijke Liefde en zonder angst durven te kiezen voor de Ander inclusief alle overwonnen bagage die zij beiden dragen

Straatverlichting begint te flikkeren op het moment dat hij zij langs komen lopen en rijmend praten over onvergankelijke Liefde voelen voor elkander misschien daar ergens in de verte verre verte hier en nu daar in de oneindigheid


Hij sprak in rijm tot mijn werkelijkheid
En ik durf nu te geloven dat het geen verbeelding was

Note to Self #1

Losstaand verbonden
Blijf verbonden met alles om me heen
Alles om me heen is verbonden met mij
En toch ben ik alleen
Losstaand verbonden
Alleen staand los van alles in connectie

Als de intentie puur is en
de Ander leest het als onzuiver
Twijfel dan niet aan je Eigenwaarde
En je Liefdevolle intentie

Het kan de bril zijn waarmee de ander het leest
die de intentie vertroebelt
Roze blauw grijs zwart helder gebroken gebarsten
Het is de bril waarmee men kijkt
Waardoor sommigen denken in te kunnen schatten

Ik voel liever
Intentieel voelen en beslissen
Gaan met de flow
Losstaand van alles
En toch verbonden

i – u

sometimes the reflection in another is
and frightening
because it reflects parts of us

Sun Moon
Light Dark
Yin Yan
Parent Child
Man Woman
Mirror Mirror



why should i be the one to complete you
complete yourself please
be whole alone & alone Holy
and we’ll be complete together
as One

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