Feelings matter.. It’s a matter of feelings. This.
He says he doesn’t want to think too much, because that will make him decide against his feelings. Because he lives in a different country. Because he wants to jump in full, full hearted. Wants to see me whenever wherever he wants to and tells me he can’t deal with a distant love affair. So hearth headed. Do I have my answer there? I’m not even sure what I think about this affair we have. THAT I feel for him must be clear.
What I feel?
I feel that he met me on the right time and place. Because if he sees me for Me during this frantic stage in my life, he will surely see Me during the balanced stages in my life. He met me at my worst, My Worst and not the worst of external matters, but the internal matters. And still he sees me.
I feel that he could be the one. You know, the One everybody is searching for in books and magazines, the One in romantic movies and advertisements. But for me “the One” isn’t that easily peacely defined, it goes a bit deeper, goes beyond coincidences, beyond romantic images, beyond feeling connected. I’m a loner. Been on my own since childhood and that often makes it hard for me to really find someone I dare to Be with. He COULD be the one that I yearned for all these years becoming the woman I am now. The one that sees through the outer me and could fall for the inner me. He ‘fits’. Fits all the characteristics of a person who can stand next to a woman like me. One who has the backbone and can handle me through all phases in life. Someone trustworthy and mature, who’s loyal to himself and others, not scared to show emotions and willing to feel through these emotions – even when the mind starts putting in fear.
It’s like I wrote earlier, while it was a New Moon on the 12th of October. It’s crazy, because thát New Moon stood for new opportunities in relationships, be it professional, friendships, family wise or love wise.
The energy of this past New Moon gave a fierce energy which aloud us to describe a clear intention to visualize that what you need from the Universe. How you would like to see yourself in every relation to another person, which qualities you appreciate the most and how you would like to be open for every form of interaction in these relationships. The more we are capable of describing the qualities we need that lead to healthy and equally stimulating relationships, the easier it is to strive for complete implementation and the easier it gets to set boundaries and hold off the people that are not capable of matching these qualities set by you.
The qualities I need from the other half are authenticity: knowing who s/he is, knowing what s/he’s worth, complete transparency, s/he IS, honest and clear in every situation whenever wherever. Also integrity: daring to hold on to personal codes of Moral and Ethics. Compassion: the ability to see themself through the eyes of another person, the ability to be understanding, careful and being able to reconsider their own perspective. Acknowledging: being able to clarify and see another persons needs and emotions without being judgmental, without handling from guilt feelings, without being manipulating the other emotionally. Responsible: acknowledging their own blind spots in judgment, handling, feeling, thinking and thereby responsible enough to look at their own responsibility in certain consequences as a result of their own made choices. Someone who’s self-managing, as in: someone who listens to their own intuition and dares to take initiative following their heart, not their mind. I NEED someone who’s loyal, who’s not afraid to be loyal to themself and the other, who’s dedicated and caring, who places themself and the other first at all time, who’s not afraid to show affection and love to themself and the other! A creative One, who’s thinking outside of the box, dares to think and feel and express themself in a creative way, in solution thinking instead of problem thinking, being creative and not logical.
And there He comes. Fitting all of these qualities I wrote down a month earlier. I feel. I feel that we could Be. I feel that he could inspire me to grow, just like I could inspire him to do better. I am not afraid to say that we could make this affair work, just like the both of us have dreamed of in our earlier years before encountering each other. I am not afraid to say that I can be the woman he feels safe with, feels acknowledged by, feels appreciated by, feels loved by, feels motivated by. I am not afraid to state that he fits every quality I need in this life on earth. I am not afraid to state that he might be my soulmate and that we might have just given a chance to find this Higher state of being in a committed spiritual bonding in this lifetime. I am not afraid to state, that everywhere he goes, I will go. I am willing to do that. Because I feel, that he is willing to do that too. Because. That’s the kind of loyalty we both yearn for, in this life. That’s the kind of trust we need in each other, in this life. That’s the kind of love, we deserve, in this life.
So, what I’m feeling? I feel I’m falling in love with a person I deserve. Finally.